i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....