Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.