dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.