True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes