i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.