I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.