What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
