I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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