Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?

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  (860): Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be? http://tfl.nu/i247
  Replies (10) Good night (6659) Bad night (568)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again

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  (610): ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again http://tfl.nu/ywr6
  Replies (11) Good night (4150) Bad night (675)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

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  (505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf
  Replies (7) Good night (4914) Bad night (955)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.

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  (407): I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist. http://tfl.nu/erea
  Replies (11) Good night (3733) Bad night (781)
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  (518): View more from New York

  our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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  (518): our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here. http://tfl.nu/908w
  Replies (5) Good night (3299) Bad night (753)
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  (209): View more from California

  His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.

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  (209): His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/z9b7
  Replies (16) Good night (3319) Bad night (743)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar

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  (937): It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar http://tfl.nu/zdja
  Replies (5) Good night (1447) Bad night (517)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

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  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1378) Bad night (1716)
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  (483): View more from

  Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?

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  (483): Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she? http://tfl.nu/qpva
  Replies (7) Good night (887) Bad night (1479)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?

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  (403): I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing? http://tfl.nu/frkv
  Replies (8) Good night (1130) Bad night (1613)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Except there is my pee all over the walls now

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  (413): Except there is my pee all over the walls now http://tfl.nu/crd6
  Replies (11) Good night (513) Bad night (1621)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

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  (+44): I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring. http://tfl.nu/y78v
  Replies (8) Good night (569) Bad night (1272)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit

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  (716): Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit http://tfl.nu/28c7
  Replies (4) Good night (294) Bad night (694)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.

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  (216): I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right. http://tfl.nu/rt33
  Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (315)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right

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  (605): Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right http://tfl.nu/8f50
  Replies (11) Good night (1064) Bad night (307)

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