Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more

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(317): did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more http://tfl.nu/ndo9

Replies (4) Good night (636) Bad night (975)
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(831): View more from California

I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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(831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku

Replies (9) Good night (4142) Bad night (1109)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

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(602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb

Replies (6) Good night (7266) Bad night (1096)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.

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(773): I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger. http://tfl.nu/s2b5

Replies (5) Good night (2841) Bad night (1137)
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(425): View more from Washington

If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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(425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936

Replies (11) Good night (3593) Bad night (1706)
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(409): View more from Texas

Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night

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(409): Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night http://tfl.nu/3ybg

Replies (2) Good night (2389) Bad night (979)
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(407): View more from Florida

Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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(407): Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple. http://tfl.nu/3342

Replies (4) Good night (1847) Bad night (755)
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(520): View more from Arizona

So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?

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(520): So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend? http://tfl.nu/gpxm

Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (813)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere

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(808): Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/w66n

Replies (1) Good night (1095) Bad night (670)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now

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(604): I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now http://tfl.nu/aqb9

Replies (11) Good night (2015) Bad night (597)
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(631): View more from New York

She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.

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(631): She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/p8fj

Replies (21) Good night (5011) Bad night (935)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will

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(313): Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will http://tfl.nu/g3an

Replies (6) Good night (834) Bad night (482)
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(407): View more from Florida

You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"

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(407): You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways" http://tfl.nu/gs8x

Replies (3) Good night (775) Bad night (394)
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(386): View more from Florida

Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes

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(386): Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes http://tfl.nu/sun0

Replies (2) Good night (771) Bad night (191)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.

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(505): I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka. http://tfl.nu/ipbh

Replies (4) Good night (222) Bad night (651)

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