um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.