hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
