THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
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I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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