Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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