So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
