his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
