drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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