I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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