My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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