I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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