just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
