god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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