I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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