laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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