I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
