I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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