I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.