..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes