Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
