whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
