I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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