I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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