from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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