Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
