well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
