Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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