was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
