Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
