dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
