Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
