Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
