it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
