She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
