i don't like sucking hair
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
