How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
