god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
