In the future we'll all be gay
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you had me at cake vodka
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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