Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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