Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
