She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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