If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
