there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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