Your face is a jimmy john
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
