Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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