update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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