Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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