Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
