dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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