i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
