Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
