took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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