Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
