I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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