new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
