I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
