last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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