amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
