I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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