He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
