Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
