I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
