Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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