I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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