Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
