I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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