I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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