I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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